It’s 1:25am and I should be in bed. I wasted hours watching needless TV and got very little done today after the prayer room with the exception of some good phone time. But I blew the rest of the day and did NOT get my time in with God. Despite my abundant quantity of time, I don’t seem to get it in… I don’t ever “feel” like it and regardless of how repentant I am, I don’t seem to be able to move past this right now.
So, I went to my chair on the balcony and pretty much just told Him I stink and I don’t know why He puts up with me, but that it’s late and I should go to bed (that was at 1am). I paused for a moment and asked if He had a verse for me. Immediately, I heard 1 Chronicles 2:3. Curious, I had to look:
The sons of Judah; Er, and Onan, and Shelah: which three were born unto him of the daughter of Shua the Canaanitess. And Er, the firstborn of Judah, was evil in the sight of the LORD; and he slew him.
Call me crazy, but this doesn’t sound like a good one!
So, I check out 1 Cor 2:3, but even as I do I feel the check telling me I heard it right the first time. So I read the verse again.
I pulled up some commentaries and study guides and got some interesting stuff from one about how Judah was privileged enough to be the line the Messiah came from yet he was FAR from perfect (as this verse shows), but yet chosen and worked through. Good stuff, but sensed Him wanting to say more…
I was focused on Er – he kept jumping out at me, but there was no further info on what he had done so heinously wrong that God slew him. Suddenly I wondered what the name Er meant. “Awake” – huh, yeah, definitely onto something here. So, I went to the root word and the lexicon portion hit it home…
To be hot, ardent. To be alert, watchful (in opposition to sleep and to idleness); specifically to wake, to be awake.
The word ardent jumps off the page at me. So I look it up and here’s what I find:
- characterized by warmth or heat of emotion, feeling, or sentiment : WARM, PASSIONATE
- characterized by intensity : very strong or great : EXTREME
- extremely enthusiastic : EAGER, ZEALOUS
- extremely loyal : DEVOTED, FAITHFUL
Again, He is chastening me to be stirred up! Be ardent… passionate… zealous… devoted…
Lord, please show me what keeps me from You. Kill that part of my flesh that is prone to idleness and wasting time. Help me Lord to get this right!!! I want to stop apologizing for this. It’s time to get this right. Thank You for Your patience… it’s far more than I deserve.
I could help but come back and comment about what an amazing God He is. He could have just said to me, “Meghan, be more ardent.” But would that have had the same impact? No. Ever the Revealer of Mysteries, He drew me in and in the process of making His ultimate point, He taught me more about Judah and his lineage. So like Him. Teach me even in the teaching of me. Thank You Lord for Your faithfulness.
And to add a final exclamation point, the Spirit of Prophecy bulletin for today just arrived:
Small Straws In A Soft Wind by Marsha Burns — September 9, 2008:
Beloved, it is time for a change in appetite. Many of you, My people, have been trying to satisfy your desires and tastes with junk food, spiritually speaking. And, your spirit man has not been nourished because of your attempts to be sustained by carnality and worldly pleasures. And, now you must re-direct your cravings to seek My face and to be fulfilled in righteousness, says the Lord.
Matthew 5:6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.
John 6:35 And Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.
It’s 2:22 am and I am going to bed… 🙂