Irrevocable Gifts/Callings (Romans 11:29)

I have spent the last week rereading my journals at the Lord’s direction, which start in 1987 when I was 16.  I’ve read in order up to within a few years ago (I’m still reading), and it’s been eye opening to say the least.  Amazing how differently we remember things from how they actually happened – something I’m told has to do with self-preservation.

I’m sure there will be longer blogs about my past later, but the thought I wanted to capture aligns with Romans 11:29

For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.

The word here for irrevocable is ametameletos (G278) meaning “irrevocable:–without repentance, not to be repented of” – basically the Lord creates us in a particular way and even if we choose to wander, He doesn’t remove those things He’s given us that our intrinsic to our nature.

In other words, if He’s created you to be an artist and you choose to use those giftings and that call to create pornographic images that degrade those in them and tempt others into sin, the Lord doesn’t suddenly decide to make you NOT an artist.  It is who you are whether you choose to use your talents wisely and to His glory or not.

Enemy-Perverted Call

What I learned as I read my journals (or I should say, what was confirmed) is the fact that I am an extreme worshiper.  The Lord created me to worship, and I do so with an abundant amount of zeal and I always have… it just hasn’t always been directed at Him.

In reading my own words it were as though I could see a small girl tugging on each persons sleeve saying, “Will you be my god?” then turning to the next person, “Will you be my god?”  It was heart-wrenching to read and must have been heart-wrenching for God to watch.  I literally referred to certain individuals as my “god” and talked about how much I worshiped them.

But the problem was humans were not intended to receive worship, so I was constantly being told I was “too much,” so I would ratchet back a bit and continue to pour out because it’s how I am wired. Then I’d be told I was “too much” or whatever other insult that began to cause me to believe their was something inherently wrong with me.

So I began to DO things for my gods – constantly doing, doing, doing so that they would find me too invaluable to want to get rid of me even though there was obviously something wrong with me… or so I’d been led to believe.  I allowed myself to be used, simply in attempt to secure love and avoid rejection.

Breakthrough

During the early years of my marriage, which was falling apart at the time (read the testimony), I learned to truly worship God.  I finally had the proper outlet for this call to worship YHWH, the One True God!  The only problem was from the years the enemy had perverted it, there was a broken pattern still in place.  The continual need to DO, the belief that love was tied to my performance.

I’ve known for a while this is an area I’ve struggled with. And of course I’ve prayed to be freed from it and layers have been pulled away, but in reading the journals and seeing it clear as day it was like snapping a joint back in place that’s been dislocated – I “got” it.

Despite the successful ways the Lord has used me to minister, God in His mercy and great love for me refused to let me continue out my walk being “used” by Him.  He loves me the same whether I have a thriving ministry or not. No amount of volunteer positions can make Him love me more.  And though these are things I’ve “known,” my heart is starting to fully “get” them.

Simply because some humans have given conditional love, does not mean that is the love the Lord is offering.

I share all this because I know I am not the only one who has had their call or gifting perverted. I’m not the only one with broken patterns that need fixing. So I just want to encourage you that He CAN fix them. He is YHWH Gaal (the Lord our Redeemer) and YHWH Rapha (the Lord our Healer).

Let Him lead you through the healing process because He knows your heart far better than you do!  Trust me when I say I did NOT think rereading my journals was a good idea – I knew only too well what they contained (and they were actually worse than I remembered) and yet He used them for good, for healing, and for encouragement.

YHWH, forgive us for allowing our gifts and calls to be derailed and perverted even for a moment.  Thank You that in Your mercy You don’t change Your mind and take them back, but instead wait for that perfect moment to redeem and renew. Your love is unfathomable! Please bring healing and redemption.

Abba, I specifically pray that all those who You created to worship who have been hurt in similar ways to what I’ve experienced would be healed and brought into alignment with their TRUE calls – to pour out to You what You so greatly deserve!  Please heal our hearts and help us completely “get” Your truth.  You are such an awesome God – I tear up even as I type that because I know I can lavish my love on You without You telling me it’s too much 🙂  Thank You for allowing my to love You and worship You with my whole heart. And thank You for being worthy of it.  You are amazing…

16 thoughts on “Irrevocable Gifts/Callings (Romans 11:29)

  1. Hi Meghan! This is the first I’ve read your blog and am SOOOO deeply touched, moved and grateful for the gift of words that God’s given you. You’ve always been a beautiful person – inside and out, and I”m incredibly happy for you to have found a wonderful husband, but also the Lord/love of your life!

    I’m on the same road as you, but not so far along .. but am getting closer daily (although there are some days when I question how I’m doing). I LOVE LOVE LOVE that I found your blog to add to my devotions! Thanks for being you and for sharing so openly!!!!

  2. Wonderful just wonderful, you insight and clarity is amazing to read! Thank you for sharing, I and others reap the benefit of your willingness to be bare before God and us!

  3. As I watch you go through this process, I’m in awe and admiration of your willingness in allowing the Father to take you to some very deep areas of wounding in order to heal you. I’m praying for you and by your side. Love you!

  4. Wow! I’m almost at a lost for words. I saw this posting via Facebook and I knew I had to read it. Your words have truly blessed and encouraged me. My thoughts go back to the many times I’ve wondered if I missed the chance to use them for God’s glory. Thank you for being open and sharing.

  5. Meghan, thank you for sharing and praying for us! You have truly taken what the enemy meant for evil and allowed the Lord to turn it for your and our good. May you continue to be the hand of the Lord extended to others. Thank you for speaking the TRUTH in LOVE! 🙂

    Holy Father, Papa, I thank you for Meghan. I thank you for her honest, open, worshipful heart. May You bless her over and above all she can ask or think. Surprise her with expressions of Your glorious love.

  6. Thank you Megan, Tonia above shared your site with me for I am going through a storm right now. But what touched me the most of your message was the last part. I was helping a woman and our church was not being of much help. I actually had the womens ministry tell me that she was just to needy. I cried all night and prayed about this and the answer the Lord gave to me was “Aren’t you glad that you are not to needy for me?” How wonderful to know how much our Lord and Savior loves us, he does not forsake us nor does he leave us. No matter what! I am still trying to help the woman, but continue to pray that the Lord will bring someone else in her life to help her know of God’s Love and teach her of his ways. Bless you and thank you.

  7. @Linda – I’m so glad you were blessed! I have learned firsthand the body of Christ at large has little patience for those who are significantly wounded. The Lord had me ministering to a young lady who had been through unspeakable abuse over a number of years and I was regularly told I was being codependent. :/ Sometimes for a season the Lord will do unconventional things to bring healing… in the end He won’t let there be any gods but Him, but there are times people need that love from human hands and the Lord is not afraid to minister through yielded vessels 🙂 Bless you!

  8. Beautiful story…you are so in tune with yourself.  That’s awesome, because that’s how Yahweh can move in your life is when your eyes are open to your weaknesses.  I love this…and think it is something we all struggle with.  Thanks for sharing.

  9. Dearest Meghan,

    Thank you for sharing this.

    I can only imagine that if I had actually journaled my teenage and early adult years that some of it would sound like yours. I often find myself feeling inadequate and empty, but you put it so well He loves us and just because I don’t follow the correct path doesn’t mean I’m not still a worhsipper and whatever else he has planned for me!!

    Thank you for sharing your heart and what He has been teaching you.

    Love & Blessings,

    Elaine

  10. I’ve re-read this several times and been encouraged repeatedly. This scripture came to mind, so I wanted to add it. Clinging to the Lord is so good.

    Ps 63:8 Amplified
    My whole being follows hard after You and clings closely to You; Your right hand upholds me.

    One more…John 3:16 Amplified….again clinging to Him….
    For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten ( unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.

  11. The teaching I didn’t know I needed to hear. Perhaps this is what the root of all my doubts are. I have a passion to use my gifts that gets messed up by thinking “Would God really bless that? Would he really be honored by my work?” And it’s because I look more at what people think than what God thinks. It’s like a stench that gets baked into upholstery. Shampoo it as many times as you want, but it comes back when the scent wears off. Not anymore. Time to get this thing reupholstered…

  12. This is awesome 🙂 To be honest, I feel like I going through a constant healing process within my mind, my giftings, and my relationship with God. i feel like my calling is clear but I feel as if something has been blocking my writing from connecting on a constant spiritual level for a few years now. This really encouraged me to keep pressing toward the mark. I appreciate the reminder that God is looking for a willing vessel to carry his annointing – and he’s not afraid to use ne 🙂

    Blessings,

    Katelyn

  13. M-
    How amazing. Thank you for sharing. I can relate more than anyone will ever know-except my God. It’s comforting to know that I’m not crzy or the only person that has these very same things happen. I appreciate you always and thank you for your consistent transparency 🙂
    Love-R

  14. what a total blessing this was for me to read. I dont know how many times I have heard the exact same words, you are just too much. I have also wondered if I will ever get all the layers of “wrong” off. I am in a way thankful that I did not journal all of my early years. I dont know if I could handle the shame of them. I am just truly grateful that Abba loves me just as I am, just as I was and just as I will be. I am also very very grateful to have stumbled onto your ministries.

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