Blubbery Mess

I miss my husband.

Any person I saw today… any paper that rested in front of me for more than a moment quickly became aware of this fact.  I miss my husband.

Some poor person actually made the comment that I was probably “excited” about getting a “break”… the look said it all, but was followed by a “No.  I am not like that.  I miss my husband. “

At 2:12pm, I sat at work in my team meeting and my phone rang with an “unknown” number… why it never occurred to me that it might be my beloved, highly-missed husband calling from Haiti, I will never understand.  But later, at 2:57pm – sitting in my cubicle within earshot of many coworkers – I checked my voicemail… simply hearing him utter his name caused the previously barely retained flood to come coursing out.

There I sat a blubbery mess unable to contain the tears any longer.  After listening to the precious voice in the message six or seven times, I forwarded it to a few friends to share in his joy.  And joyful he was… sounding so happy – so in his element… making the acute pain somehow worthwhile.

A few minutes into my tears, Miss Sheila called me after hearing the recently forwarded message.  She listened to me blubber through the tears… and then joined me in a few… hers because it was so precious to have a friend who loved her man so much 🙂

She managed to help slow the flood enough that I could function slightly and finish up my work day… which ended sooner than expected because Gloria told me that the guys had emailed us… so I dashed out of work to come home and get another nugget from my precious man.

Andrea listened to me as I cried most of the way home.  Gloria listened to me as  I cried while I was at home.  And Andrea listened to me cry again as I drove back to church for a leader’s meeting.

She told me how precious and rare it was to get to see a marriage like ours… one where after a few days I’m missing him so terribly and how he is leaving beautiful messages and emails for me… how we love each other and how it blesses her to get to have a front row seat to that as our spiritual daughter.

:::sigh:::

God has done quite a work in our marriage.

Then I remembered again the verses about Paul sending Timothy even at personal cost… just as I had done sending Allen at personal cost… suddenly I realized that each tear was like a sacrifice to the Lord.  Each tear bore witness to the fact that I chose to bless and to send the one I love for the One who first loved me.

Not only that, but with the realization that this is the first trip.  Many more will follow… and I am not called to go… I am called to hold the shield and spear.  This is the sacrifice I get to make.  Which made me think of the Father loving us enough to send Jesus…

So thank You Lord.  Thank You for the privilege of experiencing in some very, very small way… what You experienced.  Thank You for working through us and for loving us.  Thank You for the fruit from this trip… for the angelic covering… for purposes coming to fruition.  Bless my husband, Lord… thank You for the privilege of loving him.