Chief Sinner (1 Tim 1:15)

Something heavily on my heart lately is my own sin.  I don’t know if it’s simply because I’ve been having a particularly frustrating bout with some little foxes or what exactly… some of it has felt nearly overwhelming – like “how on earth could God use me?!” The thing I find ironic is that most people I know think I’m like “super-church-girl”… all holy and whatnot (and how I wish I were!), but yet I am feeling the weight of my sinful nature and poor choices.

As I headed for bed tonight, God reminded me of something… Paul felt the same way!  In 1 Timothy 1:15 Paul says:

This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.

Paul knew his short comings only too well.  In Romans 7:15 he says, “For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice or accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe [which my moral instinct condemns].”

I happened upon a blog that that hit home for me:

Paul was humbled by his own sin.
In 1 Timothy 1:13, Paul remembered that he was a blasphemer of God, a persecutor of Christ’s church, and a violent opponent of God’s work. Paul perpetually remembered his sinful opposition to the gospel (see Acts 22:4; 26:9–11; 1 Cor 15:9; Gal 1:13; Eph 3:8; Phil 3:6). In addition to remembering his past offenses, Paul used a present tense verb (“I am chief”) to claim that he was still the chief of sinners.

Paul was humbled by God’s grace.
Paul often rehearsed the fact that Christ endured the wrath of God which his sin earned (Rom. 3:25; 5:8; 1 Cor 15:3). He knew that he was saved in spite of himself, and that his salvation was entirely due to God’s great grace. In the immediate context around 1 Timothy 1:15, Paul expressed gratitude that God would not only save a wretch like him, but would actually entrust him with the ministry (vv. 12–13). What was the reason for God’s working in Paul’s life? Only the super-abundant grace of God extended through Christ and accompanied by faith and love (v. 14). And what was the result of God’s working in Paul’s life? Paul became a trophy of God’s grace. A Savior who can forgive a blasphemer and persecutor can save anyone (v. 16), earning Him eternal glory (v. 17)!

So this has me thinking that the more we know God – the more we know we are NOT Him and fall short of being like Him by a far greater distance than we’d like.  I can honestly say I have no idea how and why God would use me, but by some miracle of His grace – He chooses to.

Lord, help me to walk worthy of the call. Help me to grasp fully the humility of my position… I want to be humble – and yet even in that I know I fall miserably short.  Lord help me to be ever growing… ever becoming more aware of Your grace.  And although I will becoming increasingly aware of how short I fall from Your standard of holiness, I pray I continue perfecting holiness as is pleasing to You.  All praise and glory and honor to You, Lord.