Be forewarned, I’m talking about sex in this post.
Marriage is a topic I am passionate about. For those who’ve read my marriage testimony, you know why. During the time when my hubby wasn’t following the Lord, there was something I experienced that was unusual for a wife, but very hurtful – I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me that it was time to share this with you all.
First let me share 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Let me also clarify on the front end I am talking about marital relations as God intended them – not fornication (sex outside marriage) or adultery, not that which has been perverted by pornography or that which degrades one or both spouses – loving, marital sexual relations… the two becoming one flesh (Mark 10:7-9). With that said…
I’ve often heard that it’s “normal” in marriages for the husband to be constantly desirous of relations with their wife, meanwhile the wife is busy making excuses, feigning headaches or simply trying to avoid the possibility. This has not been the case in our marriage – at least it wasn’t during our early years while my husband was steeped in sexual sin (he shares more about his struggles on his site including his struggles with pornography).
During the earlier years of our marriage, I found myself constantly in a position of making overtures only to be rebuffed again and again. Honestly, it was excruciating for me.
I asked the Father one day, why – when there’s so many men frustrated with their wife’s lack of interest – that He managed to yoke me to someone who couldn’t be less interested. He told me it was so I could help other wives understand the damage they do to their husbands when they reject them in this area.
Marital relations aren’t just a physical act. It’s a spiritual one. A uniting in the physical that prophetically declares the unity – oneness – of the couple. Even if you think I’m waxing too poetic here, we can at least agree I hope that God intended it to be a deep connection between the spouses.
When your spouse rejects you in that area, it is a DEEP rejection. Most husbands aren’t able to articulate the impact it has on them, but trust me when I tell you that just because they can’t articulate it doesn’t make it any less true.
As I prayed last night about what Father wanted shared, He took me to 1 Corinthians 7 (the verses mentioned above). We are NOT to withhold ourselves from our spouses, our body belong to them as theirs does to us. This is a gift. It is one of the joys of the covenant of marriage.
Withholding yourself from your husband isn’t just hurtful to him, it opens the door for him to be attacked. you leave him vulnerable by not giving him what it rightfully his (I can confirm that fact firsthand too), not to mention the damage it does in your relationship.
If we love our spouses, things that are important to them ought to be important to us. So I challenge you to prayerfully seek the Father and ask if you’ve been withholding from your husband in this area. If you have, seek the Father for the root of WHY and ask for Him to heal it and bring restoration to this joyous part of your marriage.
Father, I thank You for the beauty that is marital relations as You’ve designed them to be. Let us be perfectly aligned with Your will in every area of our lives including this area that You designed to allow us to experience oneness.
I pray You would bless the marriage bed of all who read this post. May the beauty and purity of love that pours forth please You, Father.