I got a text from Andrea after she read my last post (Adrift). In it she posed an interesting question that caused me to think a little deeper on the topic at hand…
Her question was “How are you so ok looking and acting with that kind of stuff on your mind?”
Hmm. A very good question.
I thought… am I simply fake? No.
So then what is it? Here’s what I finally was able to conclude. Despite all my questions, doubts, frustrations, etc. At the end of the day, I am still expecting You to come through. To be who I think You are… who You’ve said You are… to be You.
I may not understand what You are doing and why… I may doubt myself and my ability to hear You and properly interpret Your word and promises, but I trust You.
So I seem ok to others… and can pull it together because it’s not worth blowing it for some school girl temper tantrum or momentary lapse of assurance. I still want to see Your will accomplished through me and I am not annoyed enough with my current confusion to want to sabotage what You’re doing through me simply for the sake of “getting” to be upset.
Huh. Perhaps I believe more than I think I do.